Gosh...im infertile....

I see by a lot of blogs that this week is Infertility week in USA..I just realised that Ive never really thought of myself as infertile..yes we have been trying to have a baby for years..and we are using infertility treatment..but I just think of it as some fertility issues. is my head in the right or wrong place..i don't feel like im in denial, ive just not labelled myself as infertile. Maybe its because we did get pregnant that one time..its weird to realise that I am in fact an infertile woman..crazy!

ultrasound follie count results

I had my ultrasound today. We have doubled the dose of gonal F, so I would hope to have more eggs than last time. Our first cycle at this ultrasound the lining was 8.3, this one is 14.7!! So thats got to be good right?
 ok, last cycle I had 14 follies with 7 measurable over 10mm with the biggest at 16mm. So this cycle there's...9...with 7 measurable..id get upset, but 2 of them at 18mm, 1 each at 17, 16, 14 and then 2 at 10mm..so no more, but they are bigger..and im hoping bigger means better!

I got the phonecall from a  nurse, not my nurse, but she was nice enough. I actually missed the call (why don't mobile phones ring for long enough..grr i always seem to just hear it and its over) so I rang back, got her message bank, left a message..tried to leave my phone number but i couldn't remember it..i tried 4 times before just saying that she has it..lol if i could see her face to face im sure mine would have been red..ha haa.

So the gist of it is that i have to stim for 2 more days and egg retrieval will be tuesday instead of monday..i took tuesday off work, but am on wed..might just change that!

Friends..sheesh!

So today Im on day 6 of stims..all my meds are on the bench along with my sharps container and my BFF shows up without calling first..thats ok, she knows im doing IVF. She is on her way home from a camping trip with her family. So she comes in and I make her a cup of coffee right next to all my meds and she proceeds to go on and on and on about her camping trip and who did what blah blah blah.

Do you think she asked how I was doing? nope.. she would have seen the meds, she knows we are injecting..buts all about her. I feel a bit sad she never acknowleges anything to do with IVF..when i have bought it up shes all fake smiles and changes the topic back to herself as fast as she can.

Ive known her since we were 10..but Im not feeling the love these days..I don't imagine we will ever not be friends, but I just feel like shes never interested in anything I have to say. I phoned her a while back and pretty much never got a word in..she never even asked why I was calling (We don't use the phone much these days, facebook chat is cheaper and easier!!)

Id like to tell her shes being self absorbed..but should a friend have to do that?? If we are friends, shouldn't she be interested in whats happening in my life?? Maybe its just hormones, but its really bugging me today. Do you guys think im being self absorbed for thinking shes not interested in my life?

Whoops!!

well I pretty much locked myself out of my own blog..forgot my password, got a new one and then it was telling me i had to change something to do with cookies..I just gave up and hoped that message would go away..and it did!!  So Im back!

I am on day 4 of stimming, only 7 more to go. I get a blood test in 6 days and an ultrasound in 7..Hopefully my follies will be big enough to stop stims and trigger and egg pick up on Monday 2nd. I really hope theres a bunch of great follies full of super eggs this time!

DH and I celebrated our first anniversary last week. We had a bbq with 16 friends and family..it was a really good night. I told a couple of friends we were doing IVF and they were really supportive and interested in how, when and why..lol Im really excited to tell them we are pregnant in a couple of weeks!. Some days i feel so sure this will work, other days I feel resigned to it being DH and I with no kids ever..

Gonna be a Great Aunt before being a mum!

 Hubby's niece just told me shes pregnant. Im thrilled for her as she has been told shes infertile. Shes had a rough few years being involved with a no hoper druggie, getting arrested because of him and just drifting nowhere. But now shes found herself a new lad. I don't know if they are together in relationship sense, but shes happy and he's involved. Can't ask for much more than that. She confided in us a couple of years back that she'd been pregnant as a teen but was soo sick the doctor advised an abortion, which shed never been happy about. Then she was told she wouldn't be able to have more. So its very exciting she can!
She only found out on Tuesday and im one of the few people shes told, which feels like an honour. I'm also thrilled that I'm happy for her. You hear so often infertiles being so jealous of pregnancies that they cannot be happy about it, but I truely am. Of course im gutted im not pregnant as well, but im not feeling awful!!

Natropath...hmmmm

Yesterday I went to the natropath as i have developed an itchy rash on my back. My GP saw it and just said to use the same cream i use for dermatitus, but noted its a class B drug and isn't to be used during pregnancy. So I thought i should see if I can find the cause of it and illiminate it rather than just cover the symptoms.
 The natropath was recommended by a work friend who has celiacs and says she has been helping a lot. Also her fiance works in the same building as the natropath and he says she knows her stuff as well.

She was nice and all, but she didn't even look at the rash. When i told her, she just laughed and said yes she "knows" its a toxic overload and i need to do a detox, which is fine as Id been thinking of doing one. She also tested me for intolerances to bread, sugar and dairy. She says i have intolerance to dairy, though im not convinced as she used the kinseology method where you hold your arm out and she puts the item in your other arm..And i didn't feel much difference to be honest. I told her, but she insists theres weakness there..she also said i had a problem with bread. again i said i didn't see a difference, so she did it again and agreed with me that i was fine...hmmmmm. But that was it..I thought there would be a few more things than just 3 tested!

Then she got mad at me that im only giving her 6 weeks til IVF and says she really needs 4 months to get me into tip top condition...but i feel i am almost in tip top condition. She also said she can clear my fallopian tubes and wouldn't i prefer a natural conception...without even knowing what is blocking them!!!!! She did not inquire as to my diet or exercise or anything about my lifestyle etc.

I think she does know her stuff and probably is excellent at what she does, but i think she's gotten lazy and pretty much prescribes the same stuff to everyone as im sure 90% of people have the same issues!

I will go back and see her as I paid for a hair mineral analysis and I am going to do the detox and take the minerals she prescribed until IVF starts..but i reserve my judgement about buying anything more until i see results.

stop looking at my belly

My goodness..lately when ever i meet up with people they seem to look me up and down and settle their gaze on my belly. I can tell they are trying hard to see if im pregnant. I guess it has been almost a year since DH and I got married, so fair enough they think we should be pregnant by now. It just bugs me is all. I wish there was a baby in there so I could be all smug and have my little secret.