Thursday, September 29, 2011

Things that bug me

Now that Im not pregnant anymore, these are the things that bug me

1. the fact that i have to start TTC again
2. my tired of seeing it. AF usually lasts 3 days of actual blood, so far ive been bleeding 6 days.
3. people who keep asking if im ok when i have said i am
4. niece who is 34 weeks pregnant moaning about her life and pregnancy
5. people who tell me they know it will happen again. how do they know..they don't know..shut up.
6. people telling me its mother nautures way. shut up. im not stupid. i saw my baby. it was not normal.
7. that sad look people give you.
8. again..the fact that i have to start again

I think thats definately the worst part. I know we have a frozen embryo..but if it doesn't work, then i don't know if i want to go through another round of IVF. It wasn't so much the needles, or the egg collecion..its just the time..that incessantly slow ticking of time waiting waiting. Waiting to start the cycle, the slow ticking of time as you wait for the right time to inject, waiting to see how many follicles there are, waiting to trigger, waiting for egg collection, waiting to see how many fertilise, waiting to see if they survive. then that stupid 2 week wait. Ive never been a patient person, so the waiting is the worst part for me. I wish i could be one of those miracle people who magically get pregnant naturally even with blocked fallopian tubes. sigh.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Not pregnant anymore

The scan showed no baby, not even a sack. Just blood left. I'm sad, but i'm not as sad as i thought I would be. I think I must have known subconciously this would happen. I never really believed it could be true, not even when I saw the heartbeat at 6 never seemed real. Things like babies happen for other people, never for me.

We still have one embryo on ice..we will try it out in Feb.

Friday, September 23, 2011

10 weeks and i think its over :(

 Hi all. Sorry i have been missing..not much has been happening really to blog about. I have seen a midwife and have a 12 week scan booked in for 2 weeks.

 But last night i had a little brown spotting and af cramps. This morning at 6.30am I woke up to a gush of blood. There were some blood clots, but no tissue.
 I put a pad on and went back to bed. By 9.30am there was only a little more bleeding. I changed pads and its now 11am and theres been nothing more. My back hurts, but it always does. I had cramps last night, but they were relieved by bowel movements.

DH is away in melbourne. My parents are both working. Everyone else is either working or far off. Ive decided to just stay in bed and see what happens. If it is a miscarriage, nothing can be done. If its a subchorionic bleed, nothing can be done but to lay flat, which im doing.

Please pray for our little one!