People often say to me I have such a good attitude about our infertility. Sure I have bad days where im miserable over it..but over the past almost 6 years of trying to have a baby..theres probably only been maybe 5 to 10 days of misery. And even then..only a couple of days of tears and sobbing. I remember them well..one was when we had our first miscarriage confirmed..the other was a few days after our second miscarriage..i'd say they were pretty understandable.
Most of the time..i have optimism..and hope..and joy..yes joy..it is a bit crazy..i don't pretend to really understand it..but i feel joy most days.
So how can I have such joy and happiness when i am being denied the one thing i truely want in life?
The answer is really simple..my attitude is the one thing I do have control over on this journey..I can't control much else..I can't make my ovaries produce eggs..i can't make the eggs that are there into great eggs..I can't make them fertilize with DH's sperm..I can't make any resulting embryos stick to my lining, but I CAN have a good attitude. Its all about choice. I choose not to wallow in misery..I choose not to make fertile people feel guilty that they are fertile and I am not. I choose to be happy no matter what. That is something we all have a choice over. I don't like feeling miserable, I don't like feeling sad or jealous..so why waste my time feeling that way..those feelings don't change anything..feeling sad, miserable, jealous..none of them make any difference to the outcome..if my embryos are going to make us a baby, they will..whether i feel happy or sad. So I choose to be happy..I choose joy.
Sure, I do get pangs of envy when i hear about someone else gettng pregnant, Sure, I feel sad sometimes over our lost babies..but i refuse to stay that way..I refuse to bring everyone down around me..have 5 minutes of sad, then bring your mind back to joy..tell yourself its ok..you will get through it. You can push your mind to do amazing things..being happy is second nature to most of us. I tell myself there's always someone worse off..to be happy with what I do have.
My Northern friends are heading towards their thanksgiving days..I try to be thankful every day..I have a wonderful husband, a great family, I'm healthy, all my friends and family are healthy. I have a great job, I have enough food (yeah..too much sometimes..) I live in a great country, I believe in a great God. My life is close to perfect..I don't think many people feel that way..but most should..most of us have a great life, but we get fixated on one aspect and feel we need more..for some thats money, for others its better paying jobs..some have terrible relationships with their family or spouses..some of us can't have babies. Sometimes I think we need to sit back and be satisfied with what we do have.
This has been a lot longer than i thought it would be..but hey..if i can help any of you with your own feelings, then that makes me happy. Remember to stop yourself when you hear your mind being negative..stop, think of what you do have..choose to be happy..its not only better for you, but its better for everyone around you.!
1 comment:
Trying so hard to have a great attitude like you. I wish you could put some in an envelope and airmail it to me.lol!
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